I write a blog because I enjoy writing. And even more, I am genuinely touched that others enjoy reading it.
But sometimes I have nothing to say. And when I re-read this at some point in the future, I'd like to know some of what I felt.
So, here are some random thoughts:
First, like everyone, I miss my pre-COVID life. Mostly, I miss the people in it. I haven't seen my mom since Thanksgiving. My son since December. And most of my friends since March or before.
I worry that I've become too internally-focussed. With all the time I've been spending inside my apartment, I notice too much I don't like. I wish I could update my entire bathroom. That light fixture should be replaced. I'd love new kitchen cabinets. My refrigerator is too small, even for one. I'd love nice, clean baseboards and moldings. I wish I lived in a new place. As in, brand new.
This summer feels like a long, dull non-event. I do want to go up to the Cape but likely won't. I don't want to even be on the suspect list should anyone I'm close to get sick after I arrive. And there is nowhere for me to quarantine even if I wanted to, which I don't. There is no fear-free way to get up to the Cape, except maybe renting a car. But that's prohibitively expensive. But then I think, it's only one summer.
The news is relentlessly depressing. Until there is a proven vaccine, I fear our lives will be pretty much as they are today (or worse).
I wish my hair could grow faster so I can see if I like having silvery hair (with some kind of interesting high- or low- lights). Or, if silver hair just makes me look old. Then I won't do it, despite the liberating benefits of not seeing roots after two weeks. But I still need, at least, another six months of growing before deciding.
I think about the November election and can't imagine the world if, against all odds, Trump wins. That thought is too terrifying to consider.
Now would be a great time to have a car.
My involvement in BAFTA has waned, as the Screening Committee that I chair is now on hiatus. I miss the camaraderie. The involvement. Working with people I like and respect. The feeling of actually doing something. And of course, the screenings.
Right now (and I absolutely know this will change), there is nothing in the imminent future to look forward to.
But everyone I know is safe and healthy, so mostly (not exclusively) all these other things are just minor annoyances.
Here are some of my random thoughts in response to your post:
ReplyDeleteI wish my gray/silver gray would grow faster too, I am committed to growing out until at least January. That means a white Christmas. And coloring it is easy if I decide to go back.
I want my baseboards and all trim painted. With the money I have not spent on theater I could probably get it done.
I want to redo my living room and the shower in my bathroom- those are harder to imagine without being able to go out.
I don't miss my old life all that much. I enjoy my inner brain which is working all the time, my reading, my zoom yoga, my walks in the Park, and the ability to go to the grocery store almost daily ( which I could never do before because I was too busy). And I have my evening free at home which I LOVE. I kind of like being a hermit.
I can go to bed as late as I want and get up as late as I want. I don't have to dress up for anyone. I can wear the same clothes three days in a row. I can take an afternoon nap. I don't wear makeup. And when I go out with a mask and sunglasses on, no one knows who I am.
My job teaching starts the Fall semester soon, but even then I will be home and working online. I splurged on a Herman Miller Aeron chair which is cradling me as I type and making me very comfortable.
Yes, boredom creeps in from time to time, and I miss my sisters and friends who live all over the country, but we zoom often and text daily-- much more than we ever did before. So I am looking at this time as a gift-- a time to change the way I live and decide how and who I want to be going forward. I am hopeful I will come out of this cocoon as a butterfly- flying and beautiful in perhaps some different ways.
Lyn,
ReplyDeleteI just traveled for the first time since January. It was
hot on the plane wearing a mask and the hotel (even though it
was a JW Marriott) was only 1/2 open with no maid service.
They asked that if you want anything to call the front desk and they will bring in up. So, I only asked or 2 bottles of
water and two bath towels.
I home and fine.
Take the shuttle to Boston, and take the buss to the Cape.
You will be fine and enjoy yourself!!