undecided

Every summer I go up to visit my mom on the Cape.

My sister and M both have places nearby.

I love going, and this year, I would have no time restrictions.

But this year there are other restrictions. Lots of them.

I haven't seen my mom since Thanksgiving. I miss her. That alone is a strong reason for going. 

I also love the Cape.

Its gorgeous beaches.

Its great seafood, especially the reasonably priced lobsters. 

And its very relaxed lifestyle (although I couldn't be much more relaxed than I am now with no makeup, same clothes every day, and unstyled hair).

But to go to the Cape I'd have to get to the Cape. And I won't consider any kind of public transportation. Even if it means (and it does) losing my $115 credit on Jet Blue.

And then when I got there, I wouldn't have the same control over things that I do here.

First of all, I should probably quarantine for two weeks. I doubt I'm infected, but I wouldn't want to risk my mom getting sick if I'm wrong. And how would I quarantine if I'm living with my mom? Staying locked up in a bedroom for two weeks would hardly make the trip worth it.

Restaurants are still closed. And Cape Cod doesn't have a lot of take-out and delivery.

Stores aren't open.

And what about going to the beach with all those people?  And there's no way I'm wearing a mask on the beach. Imagine those tan lines.

On my float I could social distance, but I can't live on my float.







And then I think, not going means staying here. And summer in Manhattan is not very appealing. 

Oh well. It's only May. I guess I'll have to see what life is like in July.

breakfast interrupted

I go into my local Duane Reade.



I am in a short line to pay.

The cashier is not wearing a mask. She is behind a piece of plexiglass, but still. She is handling money, products, bags and receipts.

Me: Can you please put on your mask?

Cashier: Then how'm I supposed to drink my coffee?

I have no answer.

creative birthday celebration

Shari C, Ronda and Joan all have birthdays in May and early June.

Shari T sends out an email last week that reads, in part:

Hi Friends -

We will be cooking and eating together with CHEF SARA:

Below you'll find the ingredient list for May 27th at 6:00 pm

Menu: 

Israeli Cous-Cous Panzanella Salad 

w/ Spinach & Herbs 

Baked Fries 

w/ Truffle Aioli 

Hazelnut Crusted Dijon Salmon 

A cooking class with ten people on Zoom? This should be interesting.

I get my ingredients together.

Our lesson/celebration begins at six. Our teacher (Sara Frost) is amazing: energetic, knowledgeable, fun and patient. She has a great cooking site with lots of recipes.

And while I won't take you through all the steps in our two-hour session, here are some things I learned:

• Parchment paper is a great item to have on hand. It works particularly well for getting things crispy.

• Making great, baked french fries is actually pretty easy.. Roast them with olive oil and seasoning and bake at 415 degrees. I'm almost sorry I know this.

• Aioli is easy to make ingredient-wise, but requires substantial muscle. Not sure I love it enough to make again.

•  Whisking together a 1/4 cup of olive oil, 1/4 cup red wine vinegar, a spoonful of dijon mustard, a bit of honey, and a pinch of salt makes a great dressing.

• I doubt I'll buy croutons again when making them is simple: break apart a piece of sourdough bread, sprinkle with olive oil, and put in toaster oven at 400 degrees  (on parchment paper).

The meal is incredible. My favorites are the fries and salad. Here's a photo of the salad that Janice took. As good as it looks, it tastes even better.

And here's a photo of my dinner. Since it's just me eating, I don't bother with making it pretty. And though I used a little too much oil on the fries, they were still pretty great.

So now I know. Cooking together via Zoom is a great way to celebrate birthdays.

It's a novel, fun way to do something with good friends when doing anything in person is still not an option.

visit to an over-priced grocer

It's the perfect blue-sky day.

I go to Eli's, a local gourmet grocer. 

I rarely shop there, as the prices are astronomical. I 'm sure there is a team of people in the back who do the pricing.

"Hey, wanna make these heirloom tomatoes $10.95/pound and see if anyone buys them?" 

"Ya, ya, I know. They're $6.95 over at Agata's, but I don't think our customers care."


"I'm going to price the avocados at $5.99 each. They''re perfectly ripe and ready to go. I know it's a lot, but how much you wanna bet they'll sell?"

"Do you think people will pay $11.99 for a box of local strawberries? I think they will; let's try it."

I need an ingredient that I can't find anywhere, and that's what brings me to Eli's today.

And yes, they of course have the product I'm looking for. It's a great store if you can ignore their pricing.

All the customers are dutifully masked, but not the employees.

I see two Eli workers with masks around their necks (one of them is a manager), and I see a third who's in the prepared food section and appears to have no mask anywhere near her.

I'm so tired of getting irritated at people who don't follow the mask rule  It's a simple one, and we all know it works.

I leave Eli's and stop in a little open seating area between First and Second on 79th Street.  There are chairs and tables set up, lots of sun, a few trees, and even fewer people. 

I sit six-feet from someone and ask f it's okay if I remove my mask. She nods in the affirmative.

I sit down, remove my mask, then throw my head back into the bright sunlight.

And for a few minutes, I enjoy our lost world. 

As opposed to those workers at Eli's who are still living in it.

when the professionals aren't available

I'm reading NY Magazine the other day, and see a recommendation for this product. It's $6 on Amazon.

I am long overdue for a dental visit. And, I don't like the plaque I see on a bottom front tooth. I try the little stainless steel scraper thing and am happy with the results,

Next are my legs. I prefer waxing to shaving, and haven't a clue as to the last time they were waxed. It doesn't matter much in winter, but now it does. I do some online research and decide to try Nad's.

I'm amazed at the results. And, it doesn't hurt at all. It's a little messy but the product is water soluble and easily washes away.

I'd post the before and after photos but the before is too scary.

Next, I indulge my face (NOT with the above product). 

A while ago I bought a jade roller. I used it for a few weeks, and then kinda forgot about it. It's been living in my freezer now for months. Then I read it's a great tool to use with a sheet mask.

And so...

I buy these highly-rated sheet masks by Tatcha. Today I try one, using the jade roller to message its special serums into my skin.

It's soothing and moisturizing, and the perfect way to spend time on a rainy day. I don't exactly see the instant glow the product promises, but my skin does feel great. It must be the Japanese anti-aging superfoods that comprise the ingredients.

Life sure is exciting when— at the start of the Memorial Day Weekend —  all I have to write about is teeth-scaling, self-waxing, and a new skin diet.

a non-productive day

I need a new lamp shade.

Before, buying a lampshade would have been easy.

Take a bus down to the lamp shade store.

Find and buy a shade.

Come home.

Now it's a major effort.

I call the owner of the store a couple of weeks ago. He's up in Connecticut, because the store is closed. It's not an essential service. But he tells me he comes into the city every two weeks or so and he'll let me know next time he's coming in.

He does.

So yesterday I bring in the lamp base. 

I won't take a bus which means I'll be walking with a very heavy object.

I take out a small rolling suitcase and somehow get the lamp base in it, though I can't zip it. But as long as I keep the suitcase at an angle, I should be okay.

In a separate bag, I carry fabric samples of my sofa, rug and chair, an extra-mask that is more protective than the one I wear for walking, and gloves (for when I'm in the store).

By the time I walk the 1.5 miles to the store, I am hot and tired, feeling like I've walked 10 miles through the Sahara.

Joe is expecting me. I am the only one in the store, and Joe spends a lot of time with me.

The closest we come to something I like is a simple, bone-colored silk shade. 

I tell Joe I want to think about it. It's nice, but I'm not loving it. He says I can leave the base, and I do.

I exit the store, change into my less-protective outdoor mask, and walk the 1.5 miles home. 

I make a stop at Agata.

Come home, then realize I've  left my rolling suitcase at Agata's.

I go back to reclaim in.

Come home again.

Wash my hands and disinfect.

I'm now totally spent.

Addendum:
I wake up this morning still thinking about the lamp shade. Perhaps it's the base I don't like, and so no lamp shade is really going to work. I can get obsessed over the smallest thing.

I look online and see a glo-ball light by Flos that I like. But that, too, is pretty expensive.

I look at the space one more time, and then it hits me.

I move a floor lamp I have from one place (where it really doesn't belong) and voila:

I think it works. And it costs zero.

Now, how do I tell wonderful Joe?

police drama outside my window

A man is on the sidewalk beneath my window. He is speaking loud enough for me to clearly hear, and what I hear is, "He has a gun."

Thinking maybe I misheard him, I open my window and I hear the man clearly. He is animatedly speaking to someone, and again I hear, "They're on the way. He has a gun."

Moments later about five police cars show up. Lights blinking red. 

Out of the cars pour masked police man. The bad guys and the good guys all look alike these days.

The are running into the building directly next to mine.

As I'm watching this unfold I'm thinking, "If someone who shouldn't have a gun does, I probably shouldn't be watching from nearby." 

But life has been so boring lately, I stay rooted at my window.

An unmasked man walks by my window. I yell out, "Hey, what's going on?"

"Some guy was running around the lobby trying to shoot someone, but the doorman got the gun from him."

Next I see a man in a maintenance uniform being escorted out by the police.

I continue to question the poor man under my window.

"Who was he trying to shoot?"

"A man? A woman?"

"Was it  someone he knew?"

He doesn't know. 

Before he leaves, I can't resist adding, "You know, you really should be wearing a mask."

He smiles and agrees. When he tells me he's on his way to get one, I believe him.

The police arrived quickly and en masse. 

No one is hurt. 

It's an exciting diversion in an otherwise uneventful day of eating, reading (Educated by Tara Westover), watching TV (Normal People), and communicating with friends and family.

a sunday walk

While most of the country slowly reopens, NYC remains closed. 

Its streets remain painfully empty.

down second avenue

Its pedestrians remain masked and socially distanced (to a degree). 

a store limiting the number of shoppers inside

Its non-essential businesses remain closed.

our  neighborhood toy store

And some, like my favorite furniture store (Homenature), have shuttered (am hoping their other two stores will still open at some point).



One NY Times journalist recently wrote, "Weeks into quarantine, New York is a strange combination of the normal and not-normal, the ordinary and the surreal, the mundane and the unnerving."

While another noted, "All over the country and the world, people long for what has been taken by the pandemic — some of it universal, some of it specific to that place, that city, that town. But the loss can feel almost impossibly strong in New York, in that what’s gone are the very reasons so many arrived."

The only reason to go out now is to either exercise, walk a dog, or run an errand. Going out isn't quite the fun it used to be.

With nothing to mark time, we are living in a continuous present, as no plans can be made for an uncertain future. 

One day we'll look back on today. I just wish that day would hurry up and get here. 

Though I have a feeling we're in for a pretty long wait.

small appliance update

My behavior during this pandemic is like everyone else's.

I decide to bake and can't find flour or baking powder for weeks.

My drawers and cabinets are all well organized.

My apartment has never been cleaner.

I love Lululemon again, and then learn that their sales are up. Who needs clothes for anything other than Zoom meetings, running errands, going for a walk/run/bike ride, or hanging out at home?

I'm running out of at-home activities, so I decide to update my small appliances.

First to go is my mustard-colored hand mixer that I've had since I was married, a million years ago.

Then there's my 13-year old inexpensive Dualit toaster, whose crumb-infested metal grates are impossible to clean. I replace it with a Breville Smart Toaster that while I've only used twice, I already love.

Next is my 5-year old Bonavita coffee maker that came with a thermal carafe (I prefer glass). 

I am now searching for my next coffee maker (I closeted my Keurig months ago). I have three criteria; it must: 

• make amazing coffee
• come with a glass carafe
• be simple to use (I don't care about extraneous add-ons)

I am open to your suggestions, so please let me know. Right now, I'm leaning toward the Cuisinart DCC 3200.

As for my small appliances, Alexander has no interest, but my doorman does.

6 pounds

My friend M asked me the other day, "Do you know anyone who's gained weight during quarantine?" I think the better question is, "Do you know anyone who hasn't?"

While working, I walked between 18,000 and 22,000 steps per day,  three days a week.

Most of my friends are still exercising. Some are doing it through Zoom classes. Some are walking in their apartment hallways or home gyms. Some are comfortable walking or biking outside. And some, who live on the Cape or are staying in the Hamptons, get to walk along the beach. These people I envy. 

In short, many people have found ways to get all their exercising in regardless of the challenges. I am not one of them.

In fact, my staying in good shape was basically an unintended benefit of working in retail.

And like many others, with more time and a strong desire to minimize in-store shopping, I have been cooking more. The more being superfluous.

One night I made lemon butter scallops (bought at the Saturday morning farmer's market near me). I used this recipe. I learn that scallops cook quickly and don't have to be cooked through.  And slicing them in half (like a bagel) is the perfect way to serve them. 

Another night I made a very simple and incredibly good seared tuna dish recommended by my friend Ellen. 

And then there was the duck breast I made last night.




I learn that the fat from the duck is good to save. But if you try and pour it into a small ceramic bowl when it's still hot, the bowl will completely break apart. But the duck was amazing. I used a basic recipe (served with cranberry sauce) but next time I'll try something with a fruit sauce.

Tonight is M's recipe for swordfish (with lemon, oil and fresh herbs).

I have only two criteria for anything I cook:

• it must require little skill
• it must include ingredients I've heard of and are easy to find

Ten years ago I lost 40 pounds on Weight Watchers. Since then, I've kept the weight off, and weigh myself every Wednesday morning.

Compared to year ago, I am up six pounds.

Not great, but not too too bad, considering.

I haven't tried on any pre-corona clothing, as I've pretty much been living in Lululemon and T-shirts. At least this way I'm reminded or what I should be doing.

mother's day in the current normal

For as long as I can remember, Mother's Day has either been spent with family. Or, in the past four years, working. Now, neither is an option.

I call my mother. She is, as always, upbeat and active. She will see my sister today. Yesterday, we shared a deep-belly laugh over the effort involved in the grocery shopping aftermath. My mom has this infectious laugh. Thinking about it makes me smile. It is one of her most endearing qualities. 

This past September, my sisters and I hosted a 90th birthday for her.

My mom has many friends of all ages. Of the 40 people invited, only two were unable to come. It's a testimony to my mother how everyone wanted to be a part of her celebration.

I call some friends to wish them a Happy Mother's Day. I know many great mothers. And all of us are so grateful to be lucky enough to have that title.

Around noon Alexander calls. "Open your email," he tells me. I do. And there is the perfect Mother's Day gift (printed below with my son's permission)..

Dear Mom,

You have always been such an amazing influence in my life.  Whether it came to helping me get the best possible education, forcibly putting me on your Weight Watchers diet along with you, or taking out a 30-year mortgage on a rug to brighten up the living room, your sacrifices have always had a profound influence on my life – and in the case of the rug, will continue to impact me long after you’re gone.  It is unfortunate that this lockdown has robbed us of time that we could be spending together over the last few months, as I always have so much fun with you.  Your taste in movies is generally pretty similar to mine, and I know that we will generally enjoy the same ones – except in the case of “Uncut Gems.”  Watching football with you is also always a joy, whether it comes to rooting for Mahomes or explaining for the millionth time what a first down is, you always make Sundays a bit more interesting.  While you’re caring, thoughtful, and incredibly loyal, perhaps your best trait is your sense of humor.  I know that no matter where we go or what we do, there will always be plenty of laughs to be had.  I’m sorry that I cannot spend Mother’s Day with you, but I hope that you have a beautiful day.  I love you.

I am one lucky lady. A great mom. And a great son.

exhausted from deliveries

My two bags of laundry come back today; I sent them out on Wednesday.

I bring these in and put them in a corner. I will open them in three days.

Then I get a Fed Ex delivery. It's a sample of the rug I bought in mid-February from ABC. It's being cut, and who knows when I'll see it again. I'm glad I still love it.

After opening the package, I throw the Fed Ex box down my garbage chute directly across from my apartment. Then I come in, disinfect the inner and outer door knobs with Lysol spray, and wash my hands for 20 seconds.

I then remember that I went into my outside hall without shoes on.  I change my socks.

Next I get a delivery from Fresh Direct. 

Unpacking is a long, time-consuming process.

I take out each item and use a lysol wipe to clean all the outer plastic and cardboard containers. I then wash any food that is not wrapped (lemons and limes). Next I take out the salmon and wash my hands again. I wrap the fish in  plastic wrap, then aluminum foil, then a freezer bag, and label it.

I next disinfect my counters and refrigerator and freezer doors with Lysol spray.

I throw some remnant bags in the outside chute, again forgetting to put on shoes.

I change into my third pair of socks for the day.

I was planning on having the fresh tomato/kale soup for lunch. But that came in a plastic container. Hmmm. 

I check a chart I now keep on my computer. Plastic. Three days.

Maybe I'll have something else for lunch. 

I just hope my soup will still be good by the time I can safely eat it.

when New York's finest isn't

Today is a Sunday and even feels like one. It's a warm, no-jacket day.

I go out wearing  only my new, relatively ineffective-but more-comfortable paper, disposable mask that finally arrived. I'm going to walk up the East River.  Me, and half of NYC.

So many people aren't wearing masks. 

I see a policeman. He has his blue paper mask (not an N-95) around his neck, talking to a pedestrian (also not wearing a mask) who is standing about three-feet away.

Me: 
Officer, I'm curious. Why aren't you stopping people who aren't wearing masks?

Officer: 
Why should I? A mask is only to protect you. If people don't care about protecting themselves, why should I care?

Me (in total disbelief but still trying to be respectful):
But your mask doesn't protect you from others. It only protects others from you.

Officer:
That's not true. You're wrong.

And it goes downhill from there.

The officer does provide me with his number when asked. 993. But he doesn't want to be photographed. This is the best I can do.

If our police are uniformed and stupid, how can we expect the public to be any better? 

Maybe I've been wrong. It's not selfishness that explains why so many aren't wearing masks. Maybe it's ignorance.

really people? are the rules just for others?

In today's briefing, Governor Cuomo said how proud he was of New Yorkers. He pointed out  (in case anyone still doesn't know this) that wearing a mask protects others from you, and not you from others; it is an unselfish act. And how nice that so many are complying.

I have to go to a bank that has a teller. The nearest one is Citibank, on East 86th Street, between Third and Lex. On my short walk there, I see many lawbreakers. I decide to count.  After seeing more than 30 people not wearing a mask,  I stop counting.

Some have masks hanging around their necks. Very effective.

Others wear ones covering only their mouths and not their noses. (These people are not included in my count; at least they are partially covered).

And some don't bother at all. 

I get to the bank and get in line. The person behind me has his mask around his neck. I tell him to put it on;  he does.

The line is on floor one of the bank; floor two is where the tellers are. There is a guard who controls the number of people going upstairs.

When it's my turn, I go upstairs. There I find another line — all waiting for one of four tellers. Of these four-

• One is wearing his mask correctly.
• One has hers around her mouth only.
• And two are wearing no masks at all. 

Yes, there is a plexiglass shield between the tellers and the customers, but still. The tellers  are touching our bank cards. Our money. Our receipts. 

I am astonished.

I ask my teller (whose mask does not cover her nose) why some tellers are not wearing masks.

She has no answer;  I didn't really expect one.

I ask for a manager. There is none. "He's off today," I'm told.

And then, some person from the line yells out, "Can you please stop it? You are creating negative energy."

Seriously??!!

I offer no response and leave.