After seeing William Hanson interviewed on TV, I decide to read his book, Just Good Manners.
It's a little too British-oriented for me, and covers topics I'll never need to know. Like how to address royalty. The best way to host an afternoon tea. Or the difference between being invited for cocktails or drinks (not much of one). But it's still entertaining and informative.
Two things I do learn:
- Saying "Pardon?" if you don't understand or hear what someone is saying is not good. According to the book, "Pardon? is a contraction of I beg your pardon (which is fine)" ... and it is French-sounding (which the Brits hate)." The correct interrogation, according to Hanson is "What?" Although the author then says we can improve on "What?" by using the preferred choice of "Sorry?" I disagree with this one. To me, "What?" sounds coarse and "Pardon?" sounds refined.
- Regarding weddings: You don't need to buy a wedding gift if it's a destination wedding and costly. The "waiting up to a year" to send out thank-you notes for gifts is no longer true; it should be a lot sooner. And guests should send a thank-you note(s) to those responsible for hosting the wedding (have never heard of this one and sure hope I'm not the only one who's not doing it).
Of course no book on etiquette can cover everything, so here are a few I would add:
- Never put your phone on speaker in a public place. It happens all the time and it's selfish and disrupting to everyone around.
- Don't use text to have a conversation. Texts should be used to pass on info or to make uncomplicated plans.
- Don't leave your phone on in a theater and then look at it during the film/performance. The bright light of a phone is annoying to those around you.
- Don't talk on your phone in an elevator. Listening is okay.
- Don't use text to thank someone for a thoughtful gift. And, if the gift took a lot of time, care and creativity to produce, then definitely send a written thank-you (can you tell this one is personal?).
- Don't wait until you get to the cashier at checkout and then decide to start looking for your cash or credit card; have it ready. And certainly don't engage in a conversation with the cashier about the latest celebrity break-up when there's a line.
- Have a real person contact option and not just email or chat if you are a company (okay, this might not fall under etiquette but it sure belongs somewhere).
- Follow the rules of the road; that means you, too, bikers. And don't ride bikes and electric scooters on sidewalks.
- Answer texts that require a simple yes, no, or maybe response when you see it.
- And never ever call a future in-law the C word, especially before you've even met (as happened recently to a good friend so I just had to throw this one in).
Good manners are about courtesy and respect. It's amazing how many people ignore them.
Let me know of those I missed. I would hate to be unknowingly rude.
I totally agree with almost all your additions. Number 3 is one of my biggest pet peeves. People have their phones lit up during a movie or play, and it is so distracting!!!! Also, people who don't have their act together when they get to the cashier, especially when you've all been waiting in a really long line. The only one I am very guilty of is having conversations over text. I hate the phone and mostly use text or email to communicate. And now that I've started using the microphone to dictate my texts, I've gone wild with texting.
ReplyDeleteIf someone is talking about how much she liked a book, a show, a restaurant, don't respond with how much you didn't (unless. you were asked); If someone is telling a story and takes a breath, don't butt in and hijack the conversation to something totally different; don't talk over people; try to direct a group conversation to a topic that all can discuss or have interest in; don't use smileys and heart emjois in response to a group text (I'm guilty of this); join the 20th century and get a smart phone and zelle; go along to get along and try not to be the only one disagreeing with a group's choice of restaurants or activities; don't be a stingy tipper
ReplyDeleteThese are great. Is this HG?
DeleteYes
DeleteLove Chicago Diarist's suggestions. More how to be a kinder friend than lessons in courtesy, but so important regardless!
ReplyDeleteSo, my phone goes off while I'm having a lymph node cut from my chest.Lying on my plastic surgeon's office / table I take out the phone on the fifth ring and tell my ride hold off. My surgeon goes coo coo nuts. I am so insulted! Hey chill. Get light. I don't know phone etiquette but I can curtsy real nice if King Charles and Camilla show up.
ReplyDeleteI am so in agreement about text. I HATE when people use it to make/alter plans. It becomes a fifteen back and forth stream when a phone call would be about 60 seconds. If that. I am not plastered to my phone so if we make plans and then you change them...by text...well, I may not " see " it and then...Has happened often but I am determined not to be constantly checking my phone. All the rest, I basically agree with. Fun commentary!
ReplyDelete(from Jeff K): My mother in law was a first generation Jew with parents who still had thick Austrian accents but wanted their children to be American. My mother in law was sent to a finishing school in Boston for a year before going to University of Michigan. You can imagine how I fit in with the family On my first dinner at Laurie's home, the full time cook, nanny, cleaner and surrogate mother grilled steaks. When asked how mine should be prepared I asked for well done A minute of silence followed and I was told that was not done in this household. I think I then caused some angina when I asked for ketchup (or catsup if you are not a Heinz fan). Even my sons who are prospering as legal movers and shakers know steaks should never be more cooked than medium rare. The best advice I ever read was a modern book of dos and donts and the first one was wear turtle neck shirts for job interviews if you were f**king stupid enough to get neck and ear tatoos.
ReplyDeleteGreat comments!!
ReplyDelete