if only

I'm running out to do an errand. Except I can't find my wallet. I look everywhere it could possibly be and come up empty.

Then I remember.

Exactly a year ago I lost (and later found) my wallet in a city trash bin (I had accidentally tossed it along with some newspapers).

It was then I decided to buy this credit-card sized tracker. 

I put it in my wallet and forgot about it. But when I couldn't find my wallet yesterday, I remembered that I had the tracker. And, it actually worked.

60th.  Between Third and Lexington.  Bloomingdales. The place I'd just been to return something.

Today I go to Bloomingdale's Lost and Found and yes, they have my wallet. I purposely only carry one credit card with me. That, and $55 in cash were all there. I love this small Fendi Sellaria wallet as it's the perfect size, with the credit card slots on the outside. 

Too bad they don't make it any more or I would have replaced this wallet long ago.

I am relieved, and then think, too bad Nancy doesn't have some kind of tracker on her.

I think I may be following her disappearance with more obsessiveness than most.

• I watch The Today Show every single weekday morning and love Savannah. She's smart and relatable. And true to their mantra, I feel a part of The Today Show's family.
• I religiously watch Dateline, 48 Hours, 20/20 and Law and Order, SVU.
• The books I read tend to be mysteries.
• And I recently lost my mom, though her leaving was expected and gentle.

If only tracking missing people were so easy. 

Like so many, my prayers are with Savannah and her family.

how much is too much?

 My son lives alone.

He works in an office where it's ok to work remote. 

In other words, if my son went missing it could go unnoticed.

That, to me, is reason enough to want to be in touch regularly.

It could be a call or a text. I just like knowing he's okay.

Years ago I read an awful story about a twenty-something year old kid who went to a bar near me. He was invited to join some girls who had an apartment in Queens. He went to their home, and through some bizarre confluence of events, he ended up shot and killed by one of their friends.

This story has haunted me ever since.

I don't worry when I call him and he doesn't pick up, as this is usual behavior. But if I text him with a simple yes/no question and he doesn't respond for 24 hours or more, I get concerned.

Yesterday he tells me, "I am under a lot of pressure right now." He always is. And he always then adds, "And you add to that pressure with your nagging questions."  Nagging questions like, "When do you think you can come by and pick up the T-shirts I bought you three weeks ago?" So he asks that I not call him for a while. Sure, I can do that.

Today he calls. Nothing important. We're talking and then he has to abruptly hang up. He calls me back five minutes later and by then I am on another call. Here is the transcription of the voice mail he leaves:

Hi. I was calling to tell you something but it seems you're not available now, so I don't know what's going on there. I'm a little bit worried. Please call me back as soon as you have a chance. I really really need to tell you something and I am getting concerned that you are not picking up, especially since I just spoke to you. All right. Please call. I love you. Bye.

He annoys me more than most, but somewhat compensates by making me laugh more than most as well.