how can I annoy her...let me count the ways

Alexander has developed a new game. 

He deliberately does things that he knows will annoy me. And though I know exactly what he's doing, he gets to me every time.

Sure, frequently my son doesn't make his bed. The dishwasher can sit un-emptied for days unless I unload it. And the shirts Alexander plans on taking to the cleaners can pile up before he thinks to take them across the street to be laundered. But these are not the kind of things I'm referring to.

I'll start with intentional use of very bad grammar.

Alexander has been trained well. Great schools. Rigorous classes on sentence structure, word usage, and basic grammar. But still, just to irk me, my well-educated son might say, "That don't matter none. He's a great player." I try to ignore this, but can't.

I'll have my back to Alexander and he'll come up to me and tap me on the shoulder, knowing this makes me cringe.

Or he'll peer over my shoulder with his head inches from mine, pretending to be interested in something I'm doing on the computer, and say, "Hey, what are we working on here?" 

Sometimes when I speak Alexander will totally ignore me. I can't distinguish between his being deliberate or this being just habit.

And while Alexander's dining manners are excellent, he'll chew loudly and slurp his soup just to see how long it takes before I scream, "STOP IT."

Or I'll open my mouth, about to speak, and before I say one word, Alexander will put up his hand, palm facing out, and shout, "Shoosh!" He'll do this when I'm clearly interrupting nothing at all that he is doing.

If I didn't know better, I'd think this was my son's strategy for getting me to move out. But I'm sure he's smarter than that.