customer non-service

My reading glasses break on the way to work. I stop by a Duane Reade and buy a $15 pair of readers. The next day the arm thing falls off.

I go back to Duane Reade, and ask for the manager. A Chinese man whose English is not good identifies himself as the manager.

I explain the problem. He addresses me in the third person.

"Customer come in. She buy glasses. Glasses in perfect condition. Customer come back. Glasses broken. Customer break glasses."

I'm not exaggerating; this is a direct quote.

Losing my patience I say, "First of all. The customer is me."

"You break glasses," is the response I get.

"I did not break glasses. The arm of the glasses fell off. That shouldn't have happened."

"Glasses good when you bought them."

"I am returning these!!!!  Where is your boss?"

"I am boss.  Okay. You can return."

Then this morning, I receive an email from Liberty Mutual stating that I owe $13 on my home owner's policy. 

Your current amount of $13.00 for your Renters policy bill is due today. We understand that sometimes a due date can come quickly, so we wanted to remind you to pay now .

But I never received any bill until now.  How can I be late?  I call and get some guy who is reading from a script.

"A bill was sent to you.  What is your email address?"

I tell him, and add the obvious, "You must have my correct email address because I received a notice about my bill today.  But I never got the first bill."

"Well, it was sent in July." He later amends July to October 3.

Later, he makes yet another change. "The first bill was sent in the mail." 

I say again, "IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW IT WAS SENT; I NEVER GOT IT."

Then I ask, "So what is the $13 even for, since I never received any bill."

"You added a necklace in July."  True, I did.

"Why is it so much, since the year is more than half gone and the necklace wasn't all that expensive? $13 seems high."

"Well, it's actually $8 and then another $5 for mailing you the bill."

"What?!!! Are you telling me that I am being charged $5 to receive my bill?"

"Yes, m'am; it's expensive to mail out bills."

"Fine, then it's too expensive to keep this policy.  Cancel it."

Well, that's the answer I wanted to give. Too bad I don't have the fortitude to go through the pain of finding another insurance company.  

Instead, I get the fee waived and make sure I am signed up for paperless billing.