After nine months of trying to fix a multitude of issues through Apple Care, I write to Tim Cook's office. I get a response from someone named Britani Woods, and I'm hopeful (see an email to tim cook).
As it turns out, Britani is in Corporate Executive Relations. She is not a technician. In fact, if I were to guess her job description, it would read something like this.
Continue to frustrate the customer by having them try many possible solutions that will involve hours and hours of time. If none work, then suggest a solution that will involve months of trial and error, during such time that the customer has no access to his/her data. But under no circumstances, allow customer to replace their computer.
So here are just a few of the highlights from my past seven weeks working with Britani.
First, Britani assigns me to Carlin, and tells me that Carlin is the most senior level tech available — higher than any of the other levels I've worked with.
September 14, 15
I spend a couple of hours with Carlin who frustrates me with his overuse of unnecessary analogies. "Let's suppose your computer is an old piece of furniture that has termites. And then let's suppose that you move this old piece of furniture into your brand new house ..."
Later he begins, "Let's say you are overweight and you have trouble breathing. Your doctor....."
"Carlin, stop!" I almost shout.
"I get it. Please, no more analogies."
After two mind-numbing hours of getting nowhere, Carlin suggests a complete reinstall of my operating system, ignoring the fact that I have already done this twice to no avail. He then advises me to contact Britani for our next session.
September 16
I can't reach Britani but I do hear from someone new named Tim, another senior technician.
"Hi Lyn, my name is Tim," he begins in a voice mail. "I spoke with Britani and I will be taking over your case..." This is an exact quote.
Huh?????!!!!
I call Tim back and then spend the first 1/2 hour trying to understand why the case has been handed to him. And then the next hour explaining all over again the issues.
I like Tim better than Carlin. He uses no analogies and doesn't think I need to uninstall/re-install my operating system.
We plan session two for Monday.
Monday, September 19
Tim calls on time and we talk for another hour or more. He doesn't know how to address my issues and says he'll talk further to Britani and Engineering. We schedule Session 3 for 6pm.
At 6pm Tim doesn't call. I wait until 6:30 before emailing, asking when he'll call. I get this response:
Lyn.
I exchanged email with Britani today, apparently she will be following up with you from here on out.
Regards,
Timothy Metzger
iOS/Mac Senior Advisor
What the???!!!!
I leave two messages and two emails and don't hear from Britani until the next day.
September 20
Britani calls. It is a painful conversation in which she claims to never have spoken to Tim, and adds, "I have no idea how Tim got involved but I am looking into it."
She tells me she is going on Carlin's advice to do a complete re-install and will be sending me an external hard drive to aid in the upcoming agonizing process.
Britani refuses my plea to at least get another opinion. This time I am the one using an analogy. "Even the best doctors encourage second opinions when drastic measures are being suggested," I say. Britani is intractable. "You are not getting a second opinion."
I am hours and hours into this mess and am still no better off than when I started.
October 4
I receive an external hard drive. It's a very stylish little aluminum thing that holds 2TB of data. I speak to James, my new go-to person, and we set it up like a new computer.
Brand new. Except no data. No calendar. No email. No contacts. No photos. And I am supposed to populate it over the next week with fake stuff to see if I can replicate any of my problems.
October 4-11
I am now testing out the new operating system with no data, but I still have use of my computer with data.
October 11
James calls. "After reading through all the past notes on your case, I think it was a waste of time to test everything on the external hard drive. The only way to know what the problem is is to partition your computer and slowly migrate data on to it. But at this point, I realize that would be asking a lot. Plus, there is no promise that after doing all this that the problem will be identified as a software issue. Things like crashing and freezing suggest a hardware issue." He promises to write up his findings and wait for Britani to make a decision and get back to me. I am optimistic.
James's hopeful position helps erase some of my anger at wasting a week on a solution he thinks was of no value.
October 17
I finally connect with Britani. She tells me that James has recommended that the next step would be to partition my computer. I said that was not my understanding, and reiterated what it was. She said she would "look into it some more" and get back to me.
October 20
Britani calls back and tells me that "Apple's position " is that I partition my computer. She ignores everything else James told me. But then, maybe what James told me is not what he tells Britani.
October 26
James calls. He has now morphed into the male-version of Britani. We talk for an hour; I summarize our conversation in one last plea to Britani:
I just spent an hour on the phone with James, and he ended the call without my agreeing to do what he was told by the engineers I should do. And this is why.
The recommendation is for me to totally erase my hard drive, and migrate all my data back, piece by piece, and see when the problem replicates itself.
The most critical issues I have are crashing and stalling, and these problems are sporadic — yesterday my computer crashed twice, but I can go two weeks or more without it crashing or freezing. So essentially, in order for me to test each piece of data, I would need to add a piece of data, try it for two weeks, and if it doesn’t crash or freeze, then add more data to see if the problem occurs.
So, let’s say I add just my Contacts. I use the computer for two weeks and it's fine. Then I add my Calendar in. And it crashes on the third day. In my opinion, it’s not even clear if its the Calendar data that’s causing the problem or the Contact data. And worse, under this scenario of slowly adding back data, this could take months. I need to give each piece of new data at least two weeks of use before adding more, since the crashing/stalling problem is a sporadic one. In essence, I could be without use of my computer for months. This is not reasonable as I need my computer (and the information on it) to work, and I don’t have access to another one.
I said I would be willing to do this if I was sent a loaner computer to use in the meantime. James said no. Asking a loyal Apple customer to be without use of her computer for months is not a reasonable solution.
As I know you are aware, I have been working with Apple for 8 months trying to resolve the issues/problems with this computer. Might it be possible this computer is a lemon? I have been a loyal Apple consumer since 1995 when I got my first Mac. I have never had problems like these. I have spent dozens of hours trying to work with you to fix it. It doesn't want to be fixed. What do we need to do to get a (laptop) replacement? Or at least a credit and I'll go to my local Apple Store. Please help. I am really so frustrated.
Today
I speak to Britani. She concurs with James and despite my email, and my pleas, she just keeps saying, "I understand how you feel but this is Apple's position."
I ask to whom I can write if I am unhappy with the proposed next steps and view her as the problem.
"There is no one else. I am sorry you are not happy with the solution but If you write another letter to Mr. Cook's office it will be routed to me."
My heart is broken. I am no longer in love. And after months of trying, I am no where.
If Steve only knew, I doubt he would be pleased.
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