Wednesday, August 6, 2014

chatty cathy


I go for lunch at Pinkberry.  All the tables are taken so I ask a woman (I’ll call Cathy), sitting alone, if I can join her.  “Of course,” she says.  And within minutes of joining her, I feel myself disappearing. Cathy seems like a very nice woman. But today I think she just needs someone to talk to, and I just happen to be there.

In our short encounter, I probably know more about Cathy than I do some people I’ve known for years.

  • Her son recently graduated from Horace Mann — same school as the one my son went to. 
  • Cathy graduated Tufts — same as I, but different years; she’s four years younger. 
  • Her mom died last year.
And then it becomes more personal.

  • Cathy has the ability to "unsee" something she's seen.  For example, if she sees a dress that she wants to buy but shouldn't, she can unsee it.  "I used to do that with old boyfriends, after a bad break-up," she tells me.  I have to admit, this is a skill I envy. 
  • Cathy’s family is planning a trip after they drop off her son at college.  “But we’ll probably end up doing what my husband wants; we always do.” 
  • “My kids are younger than most of my friends’ kids; maybe that’s why I wanted to be an empty nester, “ she confides. “I remember when my kids were only 1 and 4, I already imagined how freeing life would be when they were out of the house.  But now that the day is approaching for my son to go off to school, I’m a mess.  I am really going to miss him.” 
  • Cathy’s sister is a big executive in a very public industry.  I googled her and her husband; both are well known in business circles.  I am deliberately being vague as I don’t want Cathy or her family identified.  But in the course of talking, Cathy tells me that her sister, who is a billionaire (believable too given the sister’s husband’s last name), is not particularly generous.  While The Sister reached deep into her pockets to help her mom live out her final days in comfort, she also sent Cathy a Lucky Brand tank top for her birthday.  “People who have money really don’t understand those who don’t,” she says.
  • Cathy’s brother, who lives on the west coast, was once a successful producer. But for the past few years he hasn’t been able to find work.  He also has a wife and kids.  The Sister has been helpful in providing support for the kids, but not helpful in offering work to the brother; they work in related industries.
  • Cathy has two children, and it is clear she loves them both deeply.  But she believes she would have been a better mother had she had only one.  “In fact,” she says, “I wish I’d had only one child.”  I find this admission shocking in its candor.

All this, in the time it takes to eat a small yogurt with toppings.  Imagine what I’d have learned had I ordered a larger size!

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