a company that's easy to hate

So, after a month of phone calls with Apple, and the involvement of their engineers, all my computer problems have been solved except for the problem with Excel — all my dates display weirdly.

Apple tries. They really do. But finally I get the unfortunate, disappointing, and feared result I'd been dreading:  "I am really sorry. But we don't have the expertise to fix this. You will have to call Microsoft." I wait a day before calling; I need to mentally prepare.

Armed with a cup of hot coffee, and no commitment restraints, I call Microsoft this morning.

Call #1 to Microsoft: 

Step One: Five prompts to get to a real person.

Step Two: Get to the first level who transfers me (after a lengthy interrogation) to the second level. (total time: about 8 minutes)

• Second level tells me that he only handles issues with PC's not Mac's (the first person transferred me to the wrong place).
• Second level attempts to transfer me to the technician who handles Mac's. "Here's my number in case we are disconnected," I say.
• "Don't worry, you won't be disconnected," I'm told.
• We are then disconnected.

Call #2 to Microsoft

Same two steps as above, but this time I make it to the Mac department.

• I get Simon who begins with, "Here are your payment options."
• I try unsuccessfully to interrupt.
• Simon continues to talk over me (something I intensely dislike).
• I ask for Simon's manager.
• "He will tell you the same thing; if you want this fixed you will need to pay."
• I ask anyway.
• Simon tells me he'll connect me to his manager.
• I'm on hold for 41 minutes (really) and finally hang up.

I take a break and try to calm myself down. Right now I wish I lived in Colorado.

Call #3 to Microsoft

Same two steps as above, but this time I get Kendra in Indiana.

• Kendra tells me if I want help I will need to pay for it.
• After she has my credit card information, she can schedule an appointment.
• That's the only way someone can take over my computer and help me.
• I am so exasperated I am willing to pay.
• "How much?" I ask.

The response is not what I expect. For the same price, I can lease a 2015 Porsche for a month.

I hang up and want to cry.

Call #4 (to Apple this time)

The response is the same, "This is a Microsoft problem."

I take another break and read today's paper.

Call #5 to Microsoft

Same two steps as above, but this time I get Mitch in the Philippines,  a saint.

• Mitch takes over my computer.
• He downloads a trial version of the new Office Suite while I play Words With Friends and text Alexander. I am not paying attention and hope Mitch is only doing what he's supposed to be doing.
• The download works and my Excel problem disappears.
• But I don't want to pay $100/year for the subscription service.
• Mitch instead offers me a student subscription because Alexander still has a college email address.
• Cost: $80 for four years.

Done. Problem solved. 

But I still hate Microsoft.