cleanin' out my proverbial closet

I am too much of a neat-freak to be a hoarder.  Though I do find throwing stuff out difficult. But I am trying to change.

Over the past few weeks, I've assigned myself the arduous task of cleaning out both my armoire and my file cabinet.

First, the armoire.

When I bought this antique piece in Bridgehampton many years ago, I loved it. 

I even had a local woodworker build in shelves and drawers. I of course filled everyone.

But my style has changed, and I now prefer sleek and modern. And, my room is too cluttered with this in it. I am trying to sell it on Craig's list, but so far, no reasonable offers. 

It takes me a few days to clean out the drawers and shelves. 

Really, why am I keeping the Upfront Discovery presentation from 1998, nice as it was?

Or the beautiful PR piece for As the World Turns?  The show has been off-air for over ten years.

And what about my boxes of Crane's stationery and matching envelopes for use when job search letters and resumes used to be mailed?

I even find a Black and Decker power scissors that I bought on Amazon in 2006. 

It is still unopened. I unwrap it, charge the battery, and it works. It's actually a great item. I bought the same for my friend M and she's been using hers now for fifteen years.

I even find a safety deposit key and discover I don't need a safety deposit box. When I go to the bank to see what I've been keeping inside it,  I find only one item. . That's $54/year I don't need to spend.

I do keep the many great notepads I have that are on heavy stock paper. I think my love of good paper may stem from my dad's early jobs in the paper business.  

The two drawer-file cabinet takes much much longer to go through. There are too many memories attached to some files.

All the report cards. Teacher notes. College applications. Test scores. Middle school essays. Some so poignant they make me cry. Meaningful letters. How can I toss these things? I can't and I don't.

Even the acrimonious letters between Alexander's dad and me from years ago I decide to hold on to.  Why? I have no idea.

But I do throw away my calendars going back to the 70's. 

I start to read through them. "I'm 32 and feeling lazy...".  These can be tossed.

Old insurance claims. Receipts to items I no longer have. Generic school information. Gone.

I finally come across this group of photos taken in June of 2016 at Saks. A flood of memories comes back, some good, some not. 

It takes courage the photo says. 

Yes. Emptying pieces of one's past definitely does.