40 vs. 5

I notice that the Theory pants I bought in 2011 are wearable but tight.  When I bought them, I weighed 121.  A year later I was 124.6. In 2013 I had jumped to 129.  And today I am close to 132.  Not horrible, but not good. 127 or so is a good weight for me.

I think losing 40 pounds is easier than losing five.  There are so many ways you get cheered on. Excitement when you’re down a size.  Good excuses to buy new clothes.  Accolades from friends and family.  And self-satisfaction in knowing you’ve really accomplished something.

But five pounds?  I’ll know because my clothes will fit better.  My scale will tell me.  And I’ll be marginally happier.  But there won’t be any reason to buy new clothes.  And no one is going to say, "Wow.  Did you lose a few pounds?  You look amazing."

Tonight I have dinner with Zelia and Pam at my favorite burger place, Burger Bistro on the Upper East Side.  It ‘s a fun, spur-of-the moment get together, but I come home and feel guilty and fat. Pam ordered a salad instead of fries.  Zelia skipped the bun.  And I got and ate the bun, the fries and an 8-ounce burger topped with guacamole and caramelized onions. 

Okay.  I’m going to try.  I’m really going to try.  Summer is coming.  That should be incentive enough. We’ll see.