backache begets major headache

For the past two days, I have had lower back pain.  This has been coming and going for about four years.  Fortunately, it doesn’t happen often, though when it does, it’s awful.  If I don’t move I am fine.  If I am standing, sitting or lying down I am fine.  It’s just when I get up.  I feel 90.

This morning I take two Advil, which helps a little.  I go to the neighborhood pharmacy and buy two patches.  A friend of mine has recommended these.

I come home and excitedly open one.  It is a big square stuck to another square.  The instructions advise to Remove Patch from Film and Apply to Affected Area. Sounds pretty easy.  I do as told. But when I try to adhere the patch to my back, the edges curl up and stick together.  Ugh!  So I open the second patch and apply with more care.  Same thing happens.

I go back to my local drugstore and explain what happened, bringing along the now useless patches.  “Did you try and put the patches on yourself?”  I’m asked.  Yes, I respond, as the instructions say nothing about needing a third party to assist.  Well, apparently this can’t be done alone.  I am out $6.  But worse, if I buy another patch, the Pharmacist is not allowed to adhere it to my back. 

Then I remember a microwavable hot and cold heating pad I bought a few years ago.  That might be even better.

I find the heating pad at home and follow the simple directions.  Place pad in microwave for three minutes.  That’s what I do and it works great.

A few hours later, I decide to re-warm the pad and use it again.  I put it in the microwave.  At about 2 minutes, 55 seconds, I hear a pop.  I open the microwave and everything looks fine.  I go to take out the heating pad and a slimy, hot, sticky, foul-smelling yellowish green liquid spills onto my shoes, my hand, the counter, the cabinets, all over the microwave and the floor.  It’s disgusting.

I try all the cleaning products I have that sound remotely like they can clean this mess. Nothing works.  Everything is still sticky.  I go to D’Agostino's where I spend $20 on a bucket, sponges, and Mrs. Meyer’s All-Purpose Cleaner.  It takes over an hour to rid my kitchen of this mystery liquid.

Zelia and I are supposed to see a movie tonight but she calls to cancel, which is fine with me.  My back is killing me.

I’m guess I’m back to Advil.