I was once proposed to

It was a Sunday.  That much I remember.

I was sitting on a chair and Tim was in the kitchen.  We were in his apartment in Chicago, near Lincoln Park. I lived around the corner where I shared an apartment with Hazel, a friend of mine still.

Tim and I both worked at Continental Bank, me in Human Resources for the Trust Department, and Tim in financial planning for the bank's high-net worth customers.  We had been dating for only a few months.

I can't remember the casual conversation we were having, but I do remember my response to something Tim  said.   "Well, if we do that," I replied, "people might think we are getting married." Tim's counter, from the other room, was a nonchalant, "So let's get married."

I hadn't really thought much about it.  We weren't even close to that stage in our relationship.  I was still partially in love with Don, the man I had been living with in Boston, and the man I had followed (despite his lack of encouragement) to Chicago just the previous September.

Don with Hazel and Barry, April 1976

Don, 1976

Don with me and my dog Jesse (a gift from Don), 1976

But I was after all 25.  Sort of old for not being married back then. And Tim was a kind, generous man who adored me.  He had a good job.  Was fun.  Smart.  Educated. Liberal.  Cute.  And the exact opposite of Don.  Don was a creative type; Tim was a businessman.  Don was Jewish; Tim was Christian. Don could be described as kind of crazy; Tim was reserved. Don was musical (played the guitar and wrote songs); Tim was not.  Don was hilarious; Tim appreciated good humor but was never the one to make me laugh. Don was naturally athletic; Tim was a more practiced athlete. Don was unreliable; Tim was not. Don was moody; Tim was not.  Don was dark. Tim was light. Don wasn't ready to get married.  Tim was.

And so just as casually as Tim had asked me to marry him, I just as casually responded yes.  

Tim before I knew him, circa 1974 in Michigan

Going to a Halloween party; the medals are real; Tim was an Eagle Scout

Tim in 1976;  oh how I wish there were digital cameras back then

The marriage didn't last long, as I don't think my heart was ever really in it.  But Tim went on to become fabulously successful, even appearing on the cover of Worth Magazine a few years ago. Don became equally successful as a Hollywood producer and writer.

Don is till an important part of my life; Tim I never speak to.  But this afternoon I think of him.  For on December 12, 1976,  38 years ago today, he asked me to marry him and I said yes.