PART SIX (of six): final chapter

Shooting is supposed to happen tomorrow night. From 8pm to 2am. There is no pay involved.

By 9:30pm tonight ...

• I still don't know what outfit they selected for me to wear of the ones I submitted.
• I still haven't signed the contract as terms have not been finalized.
• And I still have no details on any of the specifics, including location.

So I start thinking.

One of my friends is adamantly against it. She thinks there is only downside. "Lyn, no drama and no conflict equal bad television. I can't imagine you'll be portrayed favorably."

Another friend thinks that doing it is weird.

A third says, "Are you ready for any negative posts that could be written?  People not liking you for whatever reason?"

And a fourth adds, "This year I want to say yes more than no. And this would definitely be an adventure." But then I ask, "Would you do it?"  "No, but I'm more private than you." She is.

When I think of all the people who could see it, would I be putting myself out there too much? Would I look desperate? What if I don't like the final product? And I can't even write a single thing about it until the show airs or is announced, and that could be months and months from now. And even then, everything I write would have to be pre-approved.

My head becomes filled with unanswered what-if's.

I send an email before I change my mind. It begins, "I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to withdraw from the project."

The response is immediate and kind.

So now I won't be on TV. 

I am honored to have been selected, and in the process, I met some really great people.

In the end, it was an adventure. Just not quite the adventure I thought it would be.