taxes, patches, and sex

You know the 80/20 rule.  Well, it applies to my clothes too.  I wear 20% of my clothes 80% of the time.  It might even be 90/10.  In any case, I have this black cashmere hoodie by Vince that I bought years ago and still love.  But the elbows have worn through.  I go on a quest to find patches.

I start online, and find the perfect place, jackfoxley.com.  According to their website, they specialize in custom elbow patches. The NY Times even publishes a story about them a few months ago.   I write to them with a question about size.  My email is ignored.  I try again.  Still, no response.  I give up.

Next I go to my favorite cleaners.  Their seamstress, Doris, puts black suede patches on the sweater but the patches are too big, and overlap the seams. It looks awful.  Doris takes them off.  She suggests I try finding smaller patches and directs me to the fashion/trimming section of town. 

Today I go to have my taxes prepared.  Janet, my accountant, is someone I have been seeing since I moved here 28 years ago.  She makes me happy by telling me at the end of our meeting that I owe very little.  Considering how little I made in 2012, it should be nothing, but little is okay.   Janet’s office is right near the neighborhood Doris has suggested.   So after I get my taxes done, I go looking  for small suede elbow patches. I am not successful.  The closest I come is a trimming place that has a perfectly sized small patch with a scary skull and crossbow on it.  The design is nothing like Alexander McQueen's fashionable skull prints.    I leave empty-handed.

I even look up Vince and find their showroom.  I go there, present my sweater, and ask for suggestions.  They have none.  But they are very nice.

So now I’m back where I started.  I buy a pair of black suede patches for $7 and decide to take them  to a new tailor.  I google tailors in my zip code and find Alexis Custom Tailors nearby.

The place is clean and professional, and Alexis is in.  He is a charming, well-dressed man with a Greek accent.   

Alexis is 69 (he tells me this after making me guess).  We start with my patch situation.  Turns out, it is too small a job for him; he makes custom suits.  Then we transition to a conversation about his life.  He has been married three times, is single now, and has three grown kids, “a lawyer, a psychologist, and a hustler.”  Then he says, “I only date younger women (he guesses me to be 45).  “Once a woman gets past 50, she doesn’t want to have sex any more.  That’s why I never date anyone over that age.”  I am wondering how we got to a discussion of sex from elbow patches. 

Finally someone comes into the store and I leave. I still need to figure out how to fix my sweater.