happy father's day

In September, my dad will be 89.   Until fairly recently, he seemed ageless.  My dad played tennis two or three times a week, golfed, created museum-worthy birdhouses as a hobby, fixed anything that needed fixing, and was a true lover of cars.  Being the unofficial neighborhood handyman, my dad was the person to call if anything was broken.  You’d also want his advice if you were thinking of buying a new car, as he had an encyclopedic knowledge of seemingly every car ever made. 

at home with my dad in 1978

with his best friend Eddie in 1982

on the Cape with Alexander in 2004

My dad worked until he was 80 or so.  He owned a waste-paper business that evolved into a recycling business. When my father sold the company to Waste Management, he became an industry consultant.  My dad grabbed at life and lived it fully.  He never looked back, never agonized over past mistakes or slights, and appreciated every single day.  He was a tempestuous guy; we had our share of screaming fights.  We are both stubborn and my dad is always right (at least he thinks so).  But my dad never stays angry for long; family is too important to him to ever let anything get in its way.

2008 at Foxboro;  at an NCAA lacrosse semi-final game against Duke

Three years ago my dad pulled a groin muscle playing tennis.  Then, in February 2011, he had his right knee replaced.  Since then, he’s had a few other medical issues.  Before 2009, my dad had never spent a single night in a hospital.  In the past two years, my dad’s activities have become severely limited as his mobility has declined.  Getting around is difficult and painful.  My dad now spends much of his day in his favorite chair, interacting with Ellie, his cat, and my mom (who has shown remarkable resiliency as his caretaker).

My dad never complains; he has always been a man content with life.  He loves his family and his beautiful home on Cape Cod.  I doubt that he would change one thing in his life if he could do it over.  So yes, his life has been a good one.

But still, it’s difficult to see such a robust man in his old age become so diminished.  I call him today to wish him a Happy Father’s Day. While he says all the right things, there is no passion behind his words.  Life seems to be seeping out of him.

I miss my father’s vibrancy.  His enthusiasm for things.  Even his occasional angry outbursts.   The color has faded from his life, and I so wish I could add some back. 

April 15, 2012