When I was
40, I had a friendship with a woman named Susan. We had met through work,
and had been friends for a couple of years. She came to my surprise 40th
birthday, and gave a beautiful, heartfelt toast. I never saw her
again. I tried getting in touch with her, and she never responded.
I have no idea why.
To me, a
good friend is someone I can count on, someone I can trust. I don’t want
to guess what you are thinking. If you need me to help you, tell me
how. If I’ve offended you, let me know. But don’t just disappear.
If you do, than the friendship I thought we had never really existed.
I am on the
uptown bus today, checking emails. I get one from Leslie (not her real
name). The subject line reads:
Re: no tv...what i am sending to lyn....i am so not in
a good mood..read blog first...
It takes me
a while before I realize this email was intended for someone other than
me. Probably a friend of Leslie’s. I don’t take offense as I do
this too. If I am sending a sensitive email I might want a more objective
person to read it first.
The email
suggests I should consider giving up TV (as Leslie has) and save money. Further, Leslie doesn’t see me making any changes in my life that might inconvenience me, in order
to spend less. (I have given up much, and yes, I know I could give up
more.) She writes, “I can go on and on but I am in a miserable mood and do not
want to take it out on you.”
But she
already has. I write back:
(My
post about the cable company) had nothing to do with money; my son watches TV too.......and plse don't take your bad
moods out on me. Thank you. And...,you have no idea about the small
sacrifices I do make every day...
She responds
within minutes,
I have
come to the conclusion that our friendship is not a productive or mutual
one. I wish you only the best.
Leslie ends
our (almost) five-year friendship with a dismissive email.
I have seen
Leslie walk away from long relationships without explanation or tears. So
many times throughout our friendship I have said to her, “Promise me you
will never do that to me.” And in the end, that’s exactly what she does.
I am sad that our friendship is over, and I am sad the way she chose to
end it. Perhaps I was naive to think she would never do to me, what she
has done to others.
I will miss
her, but at the same time, I now must wonder what kind of friendship we really
had.
With all that
is fragile in life, friendship shouldn’t be.
I been there and out drinks. I don't understand, this, kind of behavior. She, should cherish you as,a, friend. I do.
ReplyDeleteI obviously don't work the Swype function too well. I meant "it stinks"!
ReplyDeleteWow. She sounds wounded and not able to have mature relationships. Her loss
ReplyDeletePeople change ... okay to move on... keep moving forward, Lyn...
ReplyDeleteShe's most likely a sociopath.
ReplyDeleteThey tend to have relationships that are meaningful but disposable, and they tend to shed people on a whim, typically if they feel that the person's problems are inconveniencing them, or if they decide that they feel that the person has come to bore them.
This would be one of those times that you should resist the urge to take it personally, and remember *it's not me, it's you*