conversions

I know someone who describes himself this way.

When people meet me, I'd guess that 50% like me and 50% don't.  

I can come off as arrogant and obnoxious.  But overtime, I usually

can convert about 80% of the people who initially don't like me.  

The rest never will."

I admire this guy’s self-awareness, and his willingness to impart this observation to me, a relatively new friend.  Doing the math, that still leaves about 10% of people who will never like him.

Perhaps I'm too sensitive, but I get upset if even one person doesn't like me. Oh sure, if it's someone I offend on the bus when I tell them to take their cell phone off speaker, well, that I don't care about.  But of people I know, I want to be liked.

My wise friend Meredith once said, "It takes more effort to be angry with someone than not."  It’s advice I think about when the situation arises, which it inevitably does.

I have to admit, I do have one inconvertible in my life.  He is never going to like me, though it’d be nice if he could ever stop hating me.  My guess is that he must enjoy his anger.  Why else would he spend over 20 years fostering it? 

Whether it’s conscious or not, it is especially meaningful when a conversion occurs.

When I began at Bellmarc in early April, I met a fellow worker who was cold toward me.  Though she had no reason to dislike me, it certainly felt as if she did. Recently she invited me to an event I couldn’t go to.  Whatever hostility may have existed is gone, and it feels so much better.

Even at the post office.  There’s a clerk there who looks miserable.  She seems to hate her job, and anyone (i.e. customers) who require her do it.  Whenever I go in, I make it a challenge to try and get her to smile. If she does, I actually feel as if I’ve accomplished something.

And four years ago, when I joined the Screening Committee at BAFTA, I got on the wrong side of one of the women (I’ll call Jane) who heads the committee.  I felt like I could do nothing right, and often got chastising emails from her.  Over the years, our animosity (or whatever it was) toward each other dissipated.  And for the past couple of years our relationship has been without conflict.  Recently I ran for a Board position and didn’t win it.  I wasn’t surprised as my opponents all had formidable credentials, but I was still disappointed.  The other day I receive an email from Jane.  In it, she writes:

Sorry the Board Election was disappointing. Try again. It usually

pays off once people know your name and face. You got my vote!

I never expect her emails to end with an xo, but an actual vote? — so much better.