staples, an emotional purchase

March of 1999.  That was the last time I bought staples.  I know because for some odd reason I put the date on the box.  Today I run out of staples, and wonder what life was like 14 years ago when I bought this box. 

From the time Alexander was born, and for the next 14 years, I wrote Alexander letters and mailed them to our home.  I thought when Alexander was an adult, it would be interesting for him to see his life through my eyes.  I have a box with hundreds of unopened letters that I still haven’t given to Alexander, although he knows of them. At this point in his life, he wouldn’t welcome all that additional reading.

But I was curious. What was going on when I bought the box of staples I just finished?  I found this letter from around that time.  It was written to Alexander when he was six.

June 20 99

Sunday, 9:36 PM

Alexander darling:

Yesterday you went to Sagaponack with daddy so that you could be together (along with nonno and lala) for Father's Day.  I get a chance to do a lot of boring catching-up type things when you're away, but I do inevitably miss you.

Right now you are asleep on my floor, as that is what substitutes for your room in the summer.  Unfortunately your room has no air conditioning, and the building will not let me install one.  And even though tonight is not very warm at all, you have gotten used to the summer routine of sleeping in my room atop a bed of comforters and big pillows, along with the drone of the air conditioner…regardless of the temperature.  I admit that I too, love the security of knowing that you are safely asleep next to me.

This is your last week of kindergarten, and I am a bit sad thinking that already this school year is ending.  You are growing up so quickly.  Your math skills are exceptional, and you are just starting to recognize words, though I cannot really say you are reading.  Right now you prefer being "read to" than actually reading.  But you are so proud when you are able to sound out a word.

I want to tell you about your first crush…or rather, what appears to be the first crush on you.  I have no doubt that there will be many more.

On Friday you got a note, written by a child, that said something like,

Dear Alexander,

I like you.  I would like to be your friend.  I am a boy.

 I am Karla's brother.

Karla is a girl in your class.  I went up to Pam (your teacher) and asked who Karla's brother is, since I didn't know him.  Pam's astonished response was, "Karla doesn't have a brother.  She only has a sister."

That night Sasha called you.  It turns out that Karla's brother is actually Sasha, Karla's eight-year-old sister, who was afraid that if she revealed her true sex to you all chances for any friendship would disappear.  And so now on next Tuesday, you, Sasha, and Karla are having a play date.

Last week you went to your friend Stephen's pirate-themed birthday party.  Later you told me that you hit a "petunia" and a bunch of toys and candies fell out of it.  I think your "petunia" was meant as a "piñata."

As for other things….not a lot is new.  We got a new computer and printer.  I was very proud of myself for having set both up.  The computer is a state of the art Sony Slimline with a flat screen monitor….600 megahertz and 12 gigs.  I only write all that so that later you can have a reference of how outdated my new "state of the art" computer is.  Who knows what you'll be using by the time you read this.  I grew up in a time where there were vinyl records (no CD's), no VCR's, and electronic typewriters were for the elite, while the masses struggled with manual typewriters and White Out to erase mistakes.  How quickly the world has changed technologically in such a short time, but how much more accelerated the pace has become.  Hard to imagine 10 years for now!

My last check from Discovery is only a little over a month away and I am still I-don't-know-how-far-away from a job.  I am starting to get very nervous and scared.  I have been saving money but if I have to start using that money just to live I am fearful that we will never have enough money to buy a bigger and better place to live.  Basically I saved $1,000 a month last year, and right now my monthly living expenses are about $5,500.  It's easy to see how quickly money goes.   It's so hard not to be rich and live in New York.

Ah……be thankful you are still so many years away from grown-up worries.  And hopefully your life will be devoid of the really big ones.

I love you sweetie.  Night-night.

So now it’s 2013 and much has changed since I wrote that letter.

•  Alexander doesn’t sleep in my room anymore. 
• He can now read.
• He will soon finish his sophomore year of college, not kindergarten. 
• My MacBook Pro (bought four years ago) with 2.53 GHz is about four times faster than my state-of- the-art Sony  purchased in 1999.
•  VCR’s are pretty much obsolete, having been replaced by DVR’s.
•   iTunes and iPods were still a year and a half away from being introduced.    
•   I never bought a bigger and better place.  I never bought any place. 
•  Monthly expenses are now closer to $10,000.   
•   I am again unemployed.
•  I am in much worse shape financially than I was then. 
•   It is still hard to not be rich and live in New York.

Today I buy a new box of staples and wonder how different the world will be when this box runs out.  It’ll probably be 2027, fourteen years from now.  I will be 76 and Alexander will be 35.  What will computers be like then?  What new inventions will be in use that we haven’t even considered?  Where will we be living?  What type of work will Alexander be doing?  Will he be married?  Will I be a grandmother?

So much to consider when you are buying a new box of staples.