addiction

This weekend at the home show I fall in love with a buffet. 

All weekend I agonize over getting it.  I could pay it off slowly.  It is the perfect piece for my apartment.  I spend two sleepless nights thinking about it.  I ask the opinions of friends.  I measure and re-measure the space where it would go.  I imagine how beautiful it would look as you walk into my apartment.  I have until 6pm to decide, as the show price is half the price the company is selling the buffet for at ABC. I even call ABC and ask for a three-month extension.  They consult with the company’s owner.  The answer comes back.  No.  Sunday at 6; after that the price doubles.  I’ll never see anything so perfect again.  I think and re-think it, right up until the 6pm deadline.  I don’t buy it, and at 6:05, feel more relief than sadness.

I have no debt but I have no savings.  And worse, I have no money coming in, nor do I have any prospects for work.  I often wonder how someone with such a stellar education and great experience could end up here?  I am consumed by my lack of money.  And yet, too often I am tempted.

This morning I am half-watching The Today Show.  Italy overturns poor Amanda Knox’s murder acquittal.  Same sex marriage is being considered by the Supreme Court.  Spring weather may be on the way.  And best-selling author Buzz Bissinger has written a book about his addiction to shopping.  Huh?????

I give the TV my full attention.  The author of Friday Night Lights has written a book about his addiction to shopping.   He writes, “As I entered my mid-50’s, it  gave me a new sense of self-expression and an intoxicating rush.”  Buzz has spent $587M on clothes since 2010, including a $22M Gucci lamb’s wool coat and a $5.6M pair of D&G leather pants. 

Okay, I am not nearly as bad as Buzz.  But we do share this:  having nice things makes me feel good.  And for furniture, that feeling is not fleeting.  Several years ago I spent a lot on a mattress.  Every night when I get into bed I am so glad I did.

I am happy I did not buy the buffet.  And my spending is very much in control.  In fact, my American Express bills this month and last are the smallest they've been in a very long time. 

But still, the temptation is always there.