my phobia

It’ll soon be the start of the Memorial Day Weekend. 

I have been bombarded with emails and catalogues telling me about great sales everywhere. Sample sales.  40% off.  Triple points. Two for one. Unprecedented designer discounts.  Gifts with purchase. Blah blah blah.

It’s kind of ridiculous the way all our holidays have become big selling opportunities.  Okay.  A few make sense.  Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. Christmas.  But a holiday to honor our fallen vets?  I wonder who it was that linked the death of soldiers to weekend blowout sales. 

And so it is that I find myself afraid to leave my apartment.  There is simply too much temptation.  New York City can be a very dangerous place for someone like me. 

As I ponder this, I decide to see if, with all the many phobias that exist, there is one I can claim.  I Google the word phobia and am amazed. A 1995 list includes 538, and I’m sure there have been more added since then.

I look at just the A’s.  All 61 of them.  I actually think I may be on the spectrum of some.  For example:

Acousticophobia- fear of noise.

I have a version of this, assuming it includes neighbor noises, outside noises after midnight, obnoxious noises escaping from ear buds on public transportation riders, and incessant one-way chatter of minutia by cell phone users everywhere. 

Agateophobia- fear of insanity.

Doesn't everyone suffer a little bit of this?

Amaxophobia- fear of riding in a car.

I don't have this for me, only for my son.

Ataxophobia- fear of disorder or untidiness.

I feel unmoored in environments that are not neat.  Like now.  Seeing my son’s semi-unpacked duffel bag still sitting in the living room three days after his arrival from college makes me anxious.

Athazagoraphobia- Fear of being forgotten or ignored or forgetting.

When I set the table, go into the kitchen to get a glass, and then can’t remember if I put out silverware, I get scared thinking, oh no, is this a sign of dementia?

But most phobias I can’t relate to at all.  Here are a few of the more bizarre ones, just under the letter A.

Ablutophobia- fear of washing or bathing.

Alliumphobia-fear of garlic.

Alektorophobia- fear of chickens.

Angrophobia - fear of anger or of becoming angry.

Anablephobia- fear of looking up.

Arachibutyrophobia- fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.

Anglophobia- fear of England or English culture, etc.

But I can't find mine: 

Staying home for fear of unnecessarily spending money if one sees a good sale.

I don't want to leave my house (agoraphobia), but not because I am worried about public spaces.  I have a fear of money (chrometophobia), but not because I’m fearful of spending money I in fact have.

So I have to wonder.  Perhaps I don't have a phobia at all.  I'm just being prudent!  But I gotta admit, it sure ain't a whole lot of fun to close my eyes to Prada's 50% off sale.