oh susannah (in M's words)

It’s 9:30 p.m. and Lyn and I haven’t eaten since lunch at the Portsmouth Brewery where I had a train wreck of a veggie burger (sans roll).

Our options are limited.  Friendly’s is closed.  We’re down to Uno’s and The Cracker Barrel.

While Uno’s has won several awards for its healthy menu options and quality, we seem to be drawn to the bizarre.  We choose Cracker Barrel.

As with everything today, there are no other customers.  I feel as though we are the guest stars in an episode of The Twilight Zone.

Susanna is our waitress.  Lyn orders a simple BLT and Diet Coke.

I think my order is rather straightforward.  I think wrong.

Me: I’ll have an egg white omelet with broccoli and onions, please.  And an Earl Gray tea, skim milk.

Susannah: We don’t have egg whites.

Me: But you have eggs.  Can’t you just have the cook separate them?

Susannah: I’ll ask.  And we don’t have broccoli.  We can do meats.  Ham, sausage…

Me: Uh, no.  No meats.  I see you have broccoli as a side dish.  I’ll pay for a side of broccoli ($1.50).  Just ask  them, please, to put it in the omelet.

Susannah: Okay.  Do you want biscuits and gravy with this?  They’re free.

Me: I want to say, "What about my order leads you to believe biscuits and gravy are a go? Instead I ask for a substitute.  I’m craving carbs at this point.  Can you do hash brown potatoes without the hash?

Susannah:  I’ll ask.  If not, I’ll come back to you.

A short time later, Susannah arrives, triumphant.  On my plate is a beautiful egg white omelet with broccoli and onions, cooked to perfection.  A side of potatoes, no meat.

The manager comes by to say “hello” and “see how everything is going”.  Apparently, the word is out on us.

We pay the $25 for a pleasant meal with incredible service.  I leave Susannah a $20 tip.  She races to catch me by the door and thanks me profusely. 

I give her a hug.