when negative means positive

It’s 2 o’clock and I’m back in bed.

M left this morning, and my head cold is knocking me out.  Nine of us are getting together to celebrate Shari’s birthday tonight and I feel miserable.  Scratchy throat.  Achiness.  Heavy head.  All I want to do is sleep.

The phone rings and I don’t pick up.  I am barely awake.  Then I hear, “Hi Lyn, this is Lalani from Dr. Lupovici’s office.  When you get this message, please give us a call. Dr. Lupovici would like to speak with you. The number is….”

My biopsy results are back.  The doctor wants to speak with me.  Why couldn’t his assistant just leave the results if it were good news? Maybe it’s bad news. Maybe that thing in my mouth that I’ve seen for years is more ominous than I thought.  I picture all sorts of horrible scenarios in the few minutes before I call back.  I am literally shaking.

I call back, and Lalani answers.  She seems more formal than usual, or am I imagining that?

The doctor comes on the phone.  He’s right to the point.  “Just as we suspected, the results are positive.” 

I stop listening. My imagination travels to some very ugly places.  And what does he mean, just as we suspected?  I never suspected the results would be positive and I didn’t think he had either.  In fact, I remember him saying that he was almost 100% sure it was nothing.

If I hadn’t been in bed I’m sure I would have collapsed.  He’s still talking and I think I hear, “So it must have been an old filling that just got embedded in the skin.”  Wait, that doesn’t sound bad, as that was his original suspicion.

“So it’s nothing, then?” I ask.  “”Yes, everything is fine,” he confirms.

“But you said it was positive,” I respond. “I’m sorry, he says,” I meant the news is positive.  The results are negative.”

My head cold, along with every other part of my being, immediately feels better.